Sunday, August 5, 2012

Love marriage ya arranged marriage

The Indian essentials are a little bizarre to understand. We say Hockey is our national game, but watch cricket more, we say Tiger is our national animal and we’ve killed all of them, we say love marriages are better but end up opposing it for our own kids. That said, the debate of love marriage v/s arranged marriage in the Indian context is entirely distinct. There are many reasons behind this. Ours is not a “He tried-she smiled-baby cried” society. Love is the essence of our culture (or we assume so). And above all, we are goaded by the timeless bollywood love tales a little too much. It doesn’t come as a surprise that Raj and Simran are more than just movie characters in India.

Love marriage: It has its own advantages. You are determined to live a life in a fictitious way you’ve envisaged by watching too many bollywood chick flicks. You search off your own path only to discover that the course of love is not an easy trail. You get to spend quality time with her, understand her, you care for her, you are compatible with her and so you love her. Love happens at breakneck speed. But one important thing two people in love miss out to check is the compatibility of your beloved one with your family. We just assume that he/she will be liked by the family just the way you liked him/her. This is where the problem with love marriage sets in. Most of the parents know that the adrenaline rush has made you consider only beauty, lust, attraction and infatuation before saying yes to him/her and the parents fear the sustainability of this love. The foundation of love is strong, only if it is built on trust and not lust. In India, just falling in love with the right person is not enough; you should have the courage to convince your family without which you’ll be in crisis. For most of the people in love, their family becomes an archetypical desperado.

Arranged marriage: On the contrary, arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages. I really can’t fathom the reason behind this. But most of the arranged marriages are done by the folks who’ve inculcated a fear of “what society thinks if we do otherwise”. These types of people get “used to” things pretty soon. Their happiness is confined, limited and bound to certain areas beyond which they don’t want to explore. The fear of Society (it is called Anthropophobia) is what makes people accept things that come their way even though it is barbed. It is this fear that makes the most arranged marriages in India successful. In other words, the success of arranged marriage in India is solely judge on how others envisage it.
From Seeta’s Swayamwar in Ramayan to Rakhi’s Swayamwar on NDTV Imagine, we’ve come a long way in transforming the way marriages are held in a radical way. But we are not able to think of arranged marriages beyond caste, color and creed.  What a pity! It makes me wonder how people give more importance to gold than the girl. They take so much of interest even in choosing the color of saree, but they fail to notice if there is a smile on their daughter’s face. 

To me, the only difference is, in love marriage, I’ll love and marry. In arranged marriage, I’ll marry and love. Because, in the end, arranged marriage needs love and care to flourish and prosper. Love marriage needs some arrangements and understandings to be full of life. It’s the essence of love that decides how far you go.; not how you get married.

P.S: This article is an entry for Indiblogger’s Love Marriage ya arranged marriage contest, sponsored by Sony entertainment television. More details on the page

Image courtesy: and


  1. Very well thought out :-) The fear of society is the only reason that parents go against love marriages. The situation can only improve if people realized that the individual is greater than the society.

  2. Well reasoned ..... marriage should never be out of compulsion!

    Do stop by my blog sometime :)

  3. @Manoj: Correct. Our parents can never realize this. It is changing slowly. But will take ages

  4. @Ash: Yes. Nice blog.. I felt we've written a lot about common topics. Thanks for stopping by

  5. A nice post. I particularly liked your description of arranged marriages - Indian parents and their fear of society have a lot to answer for!

  6. @Kurugranthi: Thank you :)Yeah Sad. But true!

  7. Nice blog post, I like your discussion of love marriage and arrange marriage. Really this is most helpful to know all people. Behind a successful marriage or Shaadi life it is mostly depend on understanding and love to each other.

  8. Richi - Thanks for stopping by :)