In India,
being South Indian is not as easy as “Being Human”. I don’t even have to talk
about opulence associated with Indian marriages. There may be more than 100
major ishtyles and dialects of Indian wedding. Some are very prolific and some
are very straight and simple. Things have changed; the place; the food, the way
we invite family and friends (thanks to technology) and so on! Or does it just
look so? I’m still confused. I guess there are no set answers for this. But what
has not changed for sure is the epitome of “arranged” marriage in South India.
Prologue: After
my 10 uncles and 27 aunts (your mausi ki saas ke devar ki biwi is also a
potential match maker in south India) pressurized me in every goddamn meet to
send a “good looking” (good looking south Indians do exist in real and we are
in plenty) picture of mine to them, I had to succumb! Next, I had to change my
mindset from M for MBA to M for Marriage. The transition from CAT (Common
Admission Test) to scapegoat is really hard to digest. Thanks to mom and dad’s “why it’s not a bad idea to marry @ 27” brainwashing
sessions. And then, there’s peer pressure too. “Your best friend Sandeep ki shaadi ho gayi. Smita ki bhi. And my colleague’s
son Ajay is married with a kid. He’s still 25”.
Somehow my profile got uploaded in our
community matrimony. Hold on! I too was assuming that it’s going to be some
online matrimony site. My mom was like ‘do you think we are so deviated from
the Brahmin ethos. You may be a software engineer; but I won’t allow any
software to choose a bahu for my home’.
I won’t get into the details of the
visiting the matrimony office and taking notes of the prospective bahus and my
interview with them and their family. It’s too hilarious to be discussed here. Fortunately,
not after too many interviews, I met this pretty gal, liked her, said YES, got
engaged to her and I thought everything is over! Alas! I was wrong. The real
challenges of a South Indian wedding surface only with the onset of marriage
preparation.
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| The selected ones are folded and stacked! |
Saree: Trust me,
you’ve no idea what kind of opulence is associated with it. Unlike Christian
and north Indian weddings, where the haute couture is diversified from Salwars to
Ghagras and from Gowns to skirts, in a south Indian wedding, it’s just Saree..
Silk Saree. The bride, her mom, your mom, all your aunts, all her aunts, your granny,
her granny, their daughters, sisters and even kaamwali bais (not kidding) will
shoot your mouth off with the money spent on the sarees. Their exuberance will
puzzle you to an extent where you’ll start believing that dress code in Ekta
Kapoor’s serials is actually real. If at all there is one Indian brand can counter
the Versaces and Armanis, it is ungal Kancheepuram Silk saree.
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| Silk sarees piled up in a heap! |
Considering that the sex ratio in
south India is a good 997/1000, and with women population of 100 million, even
if 50 million arranged marriages happen: 25 million Rs INR is spent on just
silk sarees in South India every year! Can you imagine how rich we are? If you’re
a south Indian, fall in love with your north Indian colleague or love thy
neighbor and elope. In an arranged marriage, silk saree is a hundred thousand
rupee affair!
Gyan: Stereotyping reach new heights with you getting
married. Everyone will have something to say about you getting married (Or I just
feel so). The “senior citizen gyan yojna” of your family will be of no use, although
some uncles and aunts may just keep quiet or give realistic insight which you
may feel will help. Some will ask you questions which will confuse you whether
to laugh or cry.
By
family members:
- You’ve become so lean. Tension mat lo beta! (Why are YOU getting tensed about MY weight, aunty)
- I feel you’re still a school going kid. Time flies no (Signs of Alzheimer’s, uncle)
- It’s on Feb 20th? Should’ve been Feb 14th (Waah uncle.. aap to dude nikle)
By
friends:
- Mujhe pata tha tumhara jaldi fix ho jayega. South Indian hokar bhi tum fair complexion ke ho (No comments)
- You’re gonna make us eat on banana leaf? (You can eat on the floor also, bro)
- Marriage is for three days…?? What will you do? (First two days batting and I’ll declare for third day)
- Arranged Marriage? **wry smile**.. Don’t lie! (Well, I really don’t have Erich Segal Love Story type of incidents in my life)
- If you invite 500 people, 2500 people will ask you “where are you going for honeymoon”
Listening to all of such nonsense shit
and keeping your mouth shut is a real challenge.
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| A South Indian Bride (from Kerala) |
Gold: Everybody
says old is gold. But paradoxically, when it comes to actual gold, nobody is
satisfied with old gold ornaments. The Bride and Groom’s mother would have stacked
gold in every possible occasion for future marriages; we still have to buy new
gold. This is crazy! I don’t understand. My mom says it’s a question of pride. My
uncle lambasts Raghuram Rajan and Subbarao for not being able to control
inflation, but continues to stack gold for daughter’s marriage. This gold affiliation
will rid you of all the savings that you’ve done so far. So just don’t think
too much. You can’t do anything. I’m only relieved with the fact that unlike
some Keralites (no offense), we still talk about gold in terms of grams and not
kilograms!! **sigh**
Epilogue:
The big day is
just around the corner. Now I’ve clearly understood the essence of long lasting
Indian marriages ;). I’m thrilled and tensed both at the same time. Thrilled
because of one thousand obvious reasons and tensed because… Boss, I’m a south
Indian!
P.S: I just completed writing this piece and someone
dedicated the song “Yeh Galiya yeh chaubara.. yahaa aana na dobaara…” on fm radio
